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Having a baby was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. No one could prepare me for what I felt during labor. The pain came in waves and I kept thinking that I had never felt something so terrible in my life. I couldn’t even believe how waves of pain came over and over, and then I decided to have an epidural, and all the sudden felt nothing. I don’t remember if after I got the epidural I fell asleep, or I just zoned out, but I remember not being able to feel anything and begging the doctors to wait just a bit for feeling to return before I actually started the delivery session. Finally, I had my daughter and I was so happy!! And I was simply exhausted. After the first 24-28 hours, we all got to go home.
Then it was harder than I had imagined it would be…
If you’re a new mom, you probably completely understand how difficult it can be once you arrive home. You’re looking for love, attention, and support to help you get through the rough times ahead, both in your new motherhood journey and in your relationship.
I’ve gotten together some great tips to help you spice up your relationship after giving birth.
You can view these on youtube in this video, or keep reading for the full post…
Since you’re probably feeling a bit traumatized by the entire experience, one of the best things you can do for yourself and your partner is to make sure that you get REALLY good rest when you get a chance to sleep. One way to do this is by getting a new mattress. Mattresses are supposed to be changed every 8 years, but if you’ve just had a baby and are not getting the rest that you need, it’s a great idea to get a brand new mattress.
The difference that this can make to your quality of life and your relationship will be incredible. There’s really no way to enjoy time with your partner if you both are unable to get the best sleep possible because your mattress is old or makes you uncomfortable. Since you aren’t pregnant anymore, you’ll likely be sleeping differently and the pain of nursing on your back is terrible. No one could have possibly prepared me for how much pain I would be in from nursing and simply feeling like my back had changed. Truth be told, your back goes through so much during the entire pregnancy and birth process. Getting a new mattress can be a key to feeling better after you have baby. I know that it really helped me. My parents took me to the mall and helped me pick out a great mattress as a present after I had my daughter.
Stores like Macy’s can have incredible deals on mattresses, and they can be easily shipped straight to your home.
One thing that I love to do, is to get some super plush pillows and bedding. I am such a fan of Horchow bedding, and I also really love the selection at Wayfair. I was really happy recently when I applied for my Neiman Marcus card and found out that you can use your card at Horchow. Even though I am a diehard fan of Horchow, it’s a bit pricey so depending on how long I plan to use the pillows and bedding sets, I’ll purchase those at Macy’s too.
My hubby loves the bedding sets at Macy’s, especially the Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren sets, so that is a favorite of ours for purchasing plush pillows to relax in at night.
After you’ve taken care of the basics by ensuring that you’re well-rested, plan a couple of great date nights.
Dolled Up for Date Night
These can be different from the norm, but make sure that you’ve got some cute new clothes that make you feel beautiful.
Pick out a couple of new dresses that make you look gorgeous and enjoy a night at a classy restaurant.
This floral off the shoulder dress from Charlotte Russe will show off your feminity and accentuate your shoulders and face.
It comes just above the knees and looks great with a colorful pump. A dress like this will really get a date night going in the right direction.
Also, try a pastel dress, like this one, which looks super dreamy. I love the way this dress fits.
Another option would be a nice jumpsuit if you are nervous about wearing a dress or are looking for a fabulous fun outfit option. These also make it easy to nurse if you are taking the baby along with you to dinner.
This red one, also from Charlotte Russe is very sexy and is a great option for an enjoyable date afternoon/ evening.
Still have a bit of a baby bump? Try this sexy little black dress from Isabella Oliver. Isabella Oliver is a luxury, mom-friendly, maternity wear designer who’s known for their quality high fashion designs for pregnant moms.
This LBD is very flattering and provides coverage in all the right places. It’s perfect for date-night with the hubby.
I highly recommend getting some fabulous new skin care items to treat yourself, and also to enjoy getting dolled up with. I am such a fan of pink lipgloss, so the Covergirl Exhibitionist in Lipstick Cream, Yummy Pink 380, is perfect for me.
Getting a healthy glow can help you feel more confident both in the bedroom and out. The Sugar Baby Wash Off Bronzing Moisturizer is perfect for achieving a subtle sexy glow while providing your skin with extra moisture to ensure you have soft touchable skin.
Date Night Details
If you are considering having a few drinks during date night, but are worrying about your breast milk supply make sure that you pump and dump if you are drinking. I highly recommend the Medela Freestyle Double Electric Breast Pump. It was seriously a lifesaver for me and it comes with a nice carrying bag that you can take with you when you go out. It isn’t the most stylish, but it is sleek and comes in black. Breastpumps are basically necessary to help you extend your breast milk supply and give you some time to enjoy yourself as well. You can do what I did and pump and supplement with a formula that is specifically made for moms who also breastfeed. I used the Gerber Good Start, Gentle Supplementing, which helps breastfeeding moms out in a pinch when they can’t breastfeed.
If you have someone willing to help you out with childcare that’s awesome, but if you want to or have to take a baby with you on your date, it can be equally as special. Make sure you come prepared with everything you’ll need throughout the night so your date runs smoothly and you don’t have to stop at the grocery store for diapers or wipes!
If you are looking for a cuter bag for date night, consider the Kate Spade Adaira Baby Bag, in Stucco. It’s a great print with cute color blocks on the front and will help you feel more properly accessorized for a night out.
Getting Back in The Groove
After you’ve had a baby it might feel difficult to get back in the groove with your partner. There are a couple of things that you can do to help set the mood, and ease back into enjoying the bedroom with your significant other.
- Light some candles– lighting candles really helps to set the mood and make the environment more sexy and romantic. This will help you feel more comfortable. A good option for a sexy date night would be the Massage Candle by Kama Sutra, this candle actually turns into warm massage oil which will feel ohh so perfect for a tired momma, and help you get in the mood with your partner. This one comes in a set of three candles. I also love the Shunga candles. Shunga is an amazing brand, their products are very high quality, like Kama Sutra, and the candles have a subtle aphrodisiac which helps to set the mood in the bedroom and increase your feelings and desire. I like the Caress by Candlelight Massage Candle in Aphrosisia/Roses, for the beautiful light smell and the candle itself is quite attractive.
- Enjoy Massage– Massage is a great way to spice things up with your partner. It helps you to relax after a busy day and gives you time to appreciate each other. One of the benefits of massage is increased circulation and improve physical and mental health. Massage also helps to keep your body in optimum health, which is very important for new moms. You can use it as a way to reconnect and experience comforting touch. Get a high-quality massage oil, like the Shunga Erotic Massage Oil which is made with super silky luxurious oil, it also comes with fragrances that help set the mood.
- Take a Romantic Trip– Nothing is better to set the mood than taking a romantic trip with your partner. Spend a week at a luxury resort, like the Island Seas Resort in Grand Bahamas. This would be a great way to surprise your family and enjoy some quality time with your loved ones.
Or enjoy a fun weekend trip to the city. NYC is a great place to enjoy a romantic weekend get-a-way. A great place to find fun tours is with New York Night Life, they offer pre-arranged “events” like a Romantic Sunset Jazz Cruise, or if you’ve missed partying for 9 months you could splurge and enjoy a VIP Exclusive Night Club Experience.One reason New York is perfect for a couple’s get-away is that it is full of fun things to do, like shopping, restaurants, hotels, and tourist destinations, another is because it’s a great place to try new things, like a Broadway performance. You can see incredible shows and enjoy comedy clubs. The NYC nightlife is awesome.
- Talk more with your partner- If you are looking to strengthen your connection with your partner and want to improve the bond, it’s important to spend time talking with your spouse. The past 9-10 months have probably been very overwhelming, and likely your spouse needs some help processing everything that’s happened as well. In order to help your relationship blossom, make sure to spend time talking with your partner every day. Don’t hit the sheets and just pass out, make sure that you go over your day and how things worked out or didn’t and keep communication not judgemental and open.
If you need more serious help with this, you can try making it a game, consider using the Couple’s Kindle Cards, which have fun weekly action steps you can take to improve your relationship.
These cards provide a year-long strategic plan for helping you get your relationship back on track and they help you to create more emotional and physical intimacy in your relationship. It is really important that you both feel supported and nurtured after you’ve added a new member to the family.
Just remember, it can be difficult to be romantic after you’ve had your baby. Be gentle with yourself and talk things out with your partner if you need support.