The Terrible Land of Greatness

Day 78

Once upon a time there was a great big door in a great big garden. This was a very special door, because it led to a magical world where amazing things happened. For example in this magical world, the water fell upwards and all of the peoples socks were never lost. Other special things about this world were that no one ever made plain pancakes, people only ever ate chocolate chip pancakes or blueberry or pecan or something else just as interesting, but in this world nothing was boring. In fact, in this magical world, people themselves were never boring either, at least no one thought that anyone was boring. Which was in fact quite interesting. Many people who would normally have been overlooked were instead glorified, their deeds displayed in random trophy cases, and if they absolutely had nothing to put in the trophy case then of course their latest meal would serve as a great talking point in this magical world, because conveniently for the most dull of inhabitants, their last meal was undoubtedly noteworthy. Now this is important, because you must understand that hardly anyone who went through the door came back. Well of course you may be thinking that the reason for that was because once they went to this magical land of awesomeness, that they did not want to come back, and if you are thinking this, you are wrong. So wrong. So So very wrong, and you must never spread this lie about the great big door which can be found in the great big garden. No, if one steps through that door, they must be prepared to change their entire attitude, which is a very hard thing to change. Attitudes are like opinions, everyone has one. Now once you go through this door, and you really must not go through, the people in the magical would are able to immediately tell if you do not conform to their greatness, and also if you are not able to celebrate the greatness of all the other residents of the magical land. What if you were to come across someone who you have no interest in, or they in fact bored you?  Well you would not be able to act like the people from the land act, because they do not understand how not to be great, think, they think they are great, well of course they will put you in a great big jar of weirdos. All the people come to see the people in the jar of weirdos and some of the less great ones get a talking point from see the jar of weirdos. It is pretty stinky, not like it smells, but getting stuck in a jar in a magical world where everyone is eating amazing pancakes is not fun. So that is why you must never go through that door, and if you do not, you could live happily ever after.

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The Tiny Cat who Travelled the Great Big World

Day 75

Once upon a time there was a very tiny cat named Alfred. Alfred was so small that hardly anyone could see him. Alfred lived on a boat with his owner who was a very nice lady who’s name was Felinia. Together Alfred and Felinia traveled all over the world. They went here and they went there. And everywhere they went Alfred saw so many things. See even though Alfred was so small and hardly anyone could see him, Alfred could see a great many things. Alfred knew that he had seen so many things that many other people and animals would never see. And Alfred had in fact see more of the great big world than the average person. Living with Felina, Alfred was almost the most lucky cat in the entire world. Felina took very good care of Alfred & he was always happy. Every night Felina read him his favorite story about the ocean. The story began “The Ocean so big and blue has sea animals both big and small. The very biggest are the whales, who tell great tales, next is the shark and then the dolphin. The smallest are the fish, the coral and the very small sea horse. But in the big blue ocean all of the animals are important, no matter their size, from the smallest seahorse to the biggest of the whales. No matter how big or how small you are there is a world of wonder for each and every one.” And Felinia would give Alfred a great big kiss and then they would fall asleep and listen to the ocean waves. And they lived happily ever after.

The Girl from a Fishing Village

Day 56

Once upon a time there was a little girl who lived in a gorgeous land in the middle of South America. She was the best boat driver in her whole village. She drove her family’s boat while her father and two brothers went fishing. While she was out in the boat she saw many interesting sights. She loved to see the long grasses growing on the sides of the river and the beautiful branches that reached their limbs down to let their scraggily branches touch the top of the water. She saw many interesting types of fish and large river creatures that she made up interesting stories about which she told her fathers and brothers about as they worked to clean their fish at the end of the night. She loved to watch the colors in the sky as the day changed from morning to midday to evening. As she drove her boat she went to many villages and met many different types of people. She met old ladies who gave her beaded necklaces and bracelets, and men and their wives who cooked meals for her and her brothers and father while they waited for rainstorms to pass by. She met other young boys and girls who she played games and hide and go seek with. The little girl met old men, working on their ropes and nets for their boats. She traveled very far and wide and decided that she wished to have her very own boat so she began saving all of her money and all the beaded necklaces and interesting gifts that she received and put them in a special place in her room at home. Whenever she had spare time and was waiting to drive the boat she began to make her own beaded necklaces and then her mother began to sell them for her while she was driving the fishing boat. As the years passed by she earned enough money to purchase her own boat, and she met a man that she fell in love with. They began to travel together far and wide to new villages and find interesting things to bring to home for her mother to sell. Eventually they had enough money to get married and they opened a brand new store in the middle of her village with many things to sell. She and her husband lived happily ever after and traveled the entire world finding the most beautiful things.

Day 28

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Marge who really wanted to go camping. Marge had seen pictures of people camping before and in all the pictures the people looked like they were having fun. Some of the people in the pictures sat in around a campfire. Marge knew how to build a campfire, because her girl scout leader,  Mrs. Ting, had told her how to build one. Mrs. Ting said that if you make a teepee shape with sticks and leaves and then light it, that all you have to do next is to add the big sticks and logs. Marge was in girl scouts with all of her friends and they were planning on going camping the very next weekend. Marge was not so interested in the sticks and logs and building the campfire, but she was very interested in roasting marshmallows in the fire. Marge loved marshmallows, and she was looking forward to making s’mores. Marge knew how to make a s’more and she thought it was easy, all you have to do to make a s’more is to put a roasted marshmallow and a piece of chocolate between two big graham crackers. The only real reason why Marge wanted to go camping was to eat s’mores, but she thought that other things about camping could be fun too. Marge thought, “well maybe putting up the tent will not be fun, and I sure do not want to use the bathroom outside, and I do not want to get bit by any bugs…” then Marge gasped, “Oh no,” she thought “The bears!!” Marge shuddered when she thought about a bear getting near her campsite. Marge was really scared now, and when her mother came in her room and sat next to her on her bed, Marge said, “I’m not sure that I want to go camping, I do not think it is a very good idea.” Marge’s mother said, “Marge, all you could talk about was camping earlier this week, why do you think it is a bad idea to go on your trip?” Marge said, “Well I do not think I can put up a tent.” And Marge’s mother said, “Anyone can put up a tent Marge, Mrs. Ting has instructions anyway and your friends will have to help too.” Then Marge said, “but I do not want to have to use the bathroom in the woods.” And Marge’s mother replied, “Once in awhile we all have to use the bathroom in places where we are not used to or do not like as much at our bathroom at home. I do not like going to the bathroom at McDonalds, but sometimes I have to use the bathroom when we are there.” Then Marge said, “But MOTHER, there will be bugs, and I do not want to get a bug bite.” Marge’s mom said, “So you will wear bug spray silly. I know you can not have too many more reasons why you do not want to go camping.” Marge said, “Oh, I am not going to go camping mom, I have a great big reason why I just can not go.” Marge’s mother replied, “What is this big reason why you do not want to go?” “Bears, mom, great big bears. I am not going out into the woods to be eaten by a bear.” Marge’s mom rested her head in the palm of her hand and then looked up, she said to Marge, “So let me get this straight, you do not want to go on a fun trip with your friends, because you think a big bear will eat you up?” Marge hesitated and then said, “Yes mom.” And Marge’s mom laughed and said, “Marge, bears do not eat humans. Here is what you need to know about bears, Do not feed a bear anything if you see one, and definitely do not feed a bear any honey. Do not play with a baby bear, because the mother will not like that too much. Do not leave trash around your campsite, put any trash you have into the garbage can, and if you do happen to see a bear, do not run away, just call for Mrs. Ting. There are not many bears anyway Marge, and most of the bears only want to eat trash. Stay with Mrs. Ting and no bears will bother you.” After Marge’s mother finished telling her how to handle bears, Marge said, “Well, I guess I am going to go camping.” Later, when Marge came home she told her mom all about her camping trip. Marge said that she got a few bug bites, that she did not have to use the bathroom in the woods after all, because the campsite had their own bathrooms, and that her tent fell down a few times, but she and her friends put the tent back together. She also told her mother that she never saw a single bear. Marge told her mother about how she went swimming and sang campfire songs with her friends while they roasted marshmallows around the campfire with her friends, and that she found a lot of butterflies. Marge told her mother that she had had the best weekend ever, and Marge put her pictures of her and her friends sitting around the campfire in her scrapbook. Next year, her friends are going camping again and Marge has already signed up to go!